How did this Happen?
by Currently an Anti-Realist
Summary: It starts when two girls get into a car accident. Or, at least that's what they thought happened, until they wake up in Victorian England, with a certain couple of familiar anime characters. And that's not even the weirdest thing to happen. Look out England, these modern girls are about to burn you to the ground. Sebastian x OC, Ronald Knox X OC. Slight Ciel X Lizzie.
1. How it all started with gelato

**I don't know why people do this, because obviously if you really wanted you could look up who actually owns Black Butler, but whatever. It makes my story look more official, so I'm doing it anyways.**

**Discloser: I DO NOT OWN BLACK BUTLER**

**There, I did it. Happy now copyright people? Good.**

**This is my first story, and the soul reason I wrote it was because I got addicted to Kuroshitsuji fanfictions, and couldn't find enough good ones to sustain me. (No offense people who write them. It's not that your books are bad, it's just that they don't always have the elements I want.) So I think writing one would occupy my time enough. I also did not read the manga, so I might be just winging it as I go. Sebastian x OC . Ronald Knox X OC . Slight Ciel x Lizzie . And Grell will be present. Don't like, don't read. But if you do like, or want to give me ideas, feel free to review. It's actually encouraged. Also, this first chapter is not as exciting as the rest of the book will be, it's just setting the mood. There's not a set time where I will update, but I'll try not to take too long.**

* * *

_**I have no idea how it came to be, and if anyone finds this entry, Journal, then I will be thrown in a mental institute for sure, until they read it in the future, and use it as the new Aztec calendar. So, I'm either going to publish this as a book, making it seem like I made it all up, or throw you in the fire. But that would be cruel, so I'll just stick to my book idea.**_

_**Journal, you don't think I'm crazy right? Because I can't just be imagining this. Just look over the facts. I didn't even like the anime show Black Butler that much. So why would I be hallucinating like this? Dreaming about it? Maybe I'm in a medically induced coma where they gave me some weird drugs, and Sophia is reading me the whole series right now. **_

_**Or maybe I'm still a baby, and I've dreamt my whole life. Including the series-that-shale-not-be-named.**_

_**Did you ever think of that Journal? **_

_**I'm not crazy. Some may say it's crazy to talk to your diary as if it was alive, but I believe everything is alive. Some just show it in different ways. Am I right Journal? I guess I would never know. Some would call me insane, and some boring. Why would I listen to them anyways? They would surely never give me a second glace on the streets, so what right do they have to label me? Would you say a book is a tragedy or a comedy just by looking at the blank cover? Would you say it is a waste of space after reading nothing more than the first paragraph, throwing it out before you could know the ending? Always assuming you would know all along? The truth is hard to hear, and tell me, if I came up to you on the street while you were waiting for a bus that was ten minutes late, and started a conversation, would you easily talk to me, not feeling a bit of frustration towards me?**_

_**The human mind is a delicate and intriguing thing. If one is to mess something up, then the first thing they will do is find another to take the place of the blame. Nothing is sacrade, for the biggest exports in the human world are secrets. Some say they are an open book, but truly, if you glanced at an open book on a desk, seeing that one page may help uncover a simple enough story line, but the plot, the ending, and the emotions are nowhere to be seen; the title is also missing, for that is one of the main factors of finding out what is inside. **_

_**The voices in my head are my best friends. My demons are nice to me. Pain reminds me of reality, and apologizes afterwards, always whispering soft words of regret. Depression only sinks in when the good feelings decide not to come, only looking out for me, saying how he couldn't leave me empty. Death happens, reminding me I'm closer than I think to paradise, the people I am most sad about losing are now free from the evil of the world, showing me the kinds of victims' pain can't control itself around, giving me better incentive to be indifferent, and not to get too close. **_

_**You see my sweet Journal, it is not sadness, grief, and pain that is the cause of the evil in the world. The abandonment of happiness, love, and comfort is what kills us slowly. They taint us with their unwillingness to be faithful. Always refusing to be with us at our worst, only coming back for the times it is most simple for them to make a home. They are our real demons.**_

_**What would light be without darkness? Nothing. How would you ever feel happiness if sadness couldn't show you the opposite? "I hate darkness." "I hate the feeling of sadness." You are saying you would rather never feel the relief of light, or the guilty pleasure of having the grief melt away, being replaced by the warmth that you can only feel when if first enters, or when it slowly starts to melt away. Sin was created to show the difference between right and wrong, always tag teaming with regret, guilt, and insanity. Sin is not terrible in itself. Sin is the word said to describe the way people feel after they do something regrettable. "He is feeling the effects of sin take place." If you have sinned, people don't automatically think less of you, for it is the act you've committed that makes their respect die. Telling someone you had dinner doesn't make them automatically think, "Yum", or "Gross", does it? Not until they have said what they had. Sin is different in other people's eye; what one person might think should be called a deadly sin, is in others eyes just another Tuesday. Saying it is wrong to sin, is like saying dessert is delicious. Now saying, it is wrong to feel lust, is alright, as saying having red velvet cupcakes are delicious; still different in others opinions though.**_

_**So tell me now, is darkness such a terrible thing? Be relieved that the sadness comes, for it can only go up from there. Everything is meant to be, and done for a reason, specifically teaching you a lesson. Emotions get in the way of those lessons, always whispering things as they aren't, or being more dramatic about it…**_

* * *

_So… This is happening…_

_What, pray tell, am I referring to? Simply speaking, a certain someone, who for the moment, will remain anonymous, is lecturing me about how if I ever so much as speak the name Damon Salvador, or how sexy he is, again, he will go out of his way to hunt all the men with the offending name down, and dispose of them…_

_I'm fearful, that considering he exists, the sexy, mysterious, hunk of a vampire might exist too. So, I for one do not want to be the cause of Vampire Diaries not ever being made, and Damon Salvador not making his badass presence to the world, since I'm in about the same time era of when it started…_

_How did I get here? How am I in this situation, trying not to let my love for the amazingly hot vampire slip out?_

_Oh, it's simple enough. Actually, less than simple. Okay, scratch that, I cannot use simple even in the sentence describing how I am in this mess._

_Mess, the mess I speak of that is, happens to involve a hotsy-tautsy butler, a little boy stuck in the emo corner of life, my best friend in the world, and me – the amazing, fabulous… Miley Cyrus!_

_No, I'm just kidding. This would kind of suck if Miley Cyrus was the one writing it huh? I would feel bad for you, Journal, for your pages would be filled with drawings of wrecking balls, experiences of twerking on people, and new ways to be naked in public without getting arrested._

_Back to my story, I can't be imagining this, it's been going on for months._

_I think they are contemplating throwing us out. Maybe it would be for the best, considering my… err… "Leap of faith", on the first day. Wow that was awkward. Maybe I should have just thrown myself down the stairs like a normal person when they're trying to wake up from a dream._

_Journal, you're still not understanding what's going on, are you? Let me explain._

_See, I was talking with Juliet about how hot Damon Salvador is, when - … You know journal, I feel like you still have no idea what's going on, let me start over. From the beginning…_

_Or should I say, the end…_

* * *

"Aurora! Hurry up! We're going to miss the movie!" I scowled at my best friend Juliet. She should try speed walking after getting acupuncture… by her little sister.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" I jogged up to her, wincing as pain spread throughout my feet. "Slow down would you?!"

She sighed and stopped at the edge of the cross walk, waiting for me to catch up with her. When I got next to her, she gave me a "finally!", and we started crossing.

I laughed at her exasperation and looked to the side when I heard a car nearing. I was about to open my mouth to tell her we need to speed up, when I caught sight of the car. The car that was now a lot closer to us, still speeding up as it went.

I pushed Juliet to start running, but it was already too late. The last thing I heard before blacking out was the screeching of tires and two bloody screams, one suspiciously sounding like myself, and then I was falling… I expected to feel pain, but falling was the only sensation I felt. Before I blacked out.

* * *

_Don't worry Journal, since I am writing this, you know I am still alive. This was where it got freaky. I'm not sure what happened, but the next thing I knew, I was back in my room. Of course my first thought would be I was dreaming, but I second guessed myself when I looked around…_

* * *

I was wearing the shirt I bought right before we went to the movies. I.E., right before the crash.

Okay, I'm confused now. I didn't even buy the shirt for myself. I got it as a gag gift for my friend's birthday. It was one of those that looked like T-shirt, where the whole bottom is cut to look like fringe with wooden beads on the bottom, except it goes up to my boobs, and it was sleeveless. I was also wearing the shorts that Juliet let me borrow for a costume party right before we left her house. They were high waist booty shorts that I would only ever wear if I had leggings underneath. No leggings present, but I had white knee high socks, with crimson red kegs.

"… Ce… Que l'enfer?" Sometimes when I was confused or angry, or just in the mood for it, I speak in French. I find it relaxing because people are always confused, and just look at me for a couple moments in silence.

I got up and walked over to the mirror, adding to my confusion further at what I saw.

Did I pass out and accidentally become a prostitute intern again? Because whore makeup is what you could use to describe my face. It was just very dark and smoky. Although I didn't have any on except my eyes, and it was all in red. Even though the outfit was like a sign for a brothel, I still had to admit, it was cute. I had on the red kegs and the white socks of course, then my shorts weren't denim, but light brown coloured. The shirt is white crocheted, so it had to have something underneath it to not show my bra. I had on a red wrapped bandeau top that looked like someone just took a bunch of fabric and wrapped it around me. Still, it was cute. My belly button piercing was still it's warn golden colour, and the feather in my hair was its normal white and brown. I could still be dreaming…

_How to tell if I'm not dreaming… How to tell if I'm not dreaming… How to tell… _I stopped my mental chant and looked towards the window. Of course! My room is on the third story, so it should be enough of a drop to wake me up. If not, eh. No big deal. I'm not sure if something is wrong with me mentally, or if I'm just one of the more logical people in the world, but death has never made me nervous, or uneasy thinking about it. I actually have, on more than a couple occasions, wished death upon myself while doing everyday tasks. Strange, huh? I have never self harmed, and _would never_, I guess I'm just a lot more impatient than the rest. As in, I just wish it would hurry up.

I contemplated whether or not to risk the jump. Although, I've never had a lucid dream before, so if this is a dream, it'd be a shame to waste it.

_Should I have to pee in a dream though? _I went over to my bathroom and threw open the door, only to find it occupied… by another bed room.

A familiar bedroom actually. Juliet's bedroom?

And there she was, standing in front of her mirror, looking at herself as I was a couple minutes ago. In fact, she was dressed somewhat similar to me. Not really, just the prostitute esk part. She had on one of those backless long sleeved crop tops. She was also wearing high waisted shorts with nylon tights underneath, and high heeled combat boots.

"Juliet…? **Je suis tellement confus…** Why are you in my bathroom…?" And~ there's the French that everyone seems to hate.

"Stop speaking in another language… and I have no idea…"

"**Sommes-nous devenus des prostituées la nuit?"** _Did we become prostitutes overnight?_ I muttered to myself, but said it loud enough just to spite her. "We're dressed like hookers… I had the weirdest dream too… We got hit by a car…"

"That is weird… because I had that dream too…"

"Hmm… Yeah, I'm going to try my widow experiment then."

"Window… What are you talking about?" For some reason, we were both pretty calm. I think it was because the initial shock hasn't exactly warn off, and we were both still pretty groggy from sleeping.

"I'm going to jump out the window… See you later." I yawned and walked over to her window and stuck a leg out of it.

"Jump… out of the… Okay… Have fun I guess." She yawned too and looked at me with half hooded eyes, walking back to her bed and laying down again.

I couldn't see if I was still on the third floor that lead to my back yard, because it was dark outside, and I never had the best vision anyways. The board is blurry while I'm sitting in the middle of the classroom and all the lights are on. How am I supposed to make out the ground while I'm three stories up and it's not exactly light outside?

"Wait… Wait, WHAT?! Aurora don't - !" I looked over at Juliet and shrugged, falling out the window, back first, smiling slightly at the peaceful sensation. "AURORA YOU IDIOT!"

I was suddenly run over by a dark shadow instead of being hurled into the ground.

That woke me up. "**Putain de bordel de merde**!" Not very lady like words in French. Thanks a lot Google Translate.

"**Ah, si vous êtes français ma dame? Je ne pense pas que je n'ai jamais entendu ces mots utilisés par une dame avant**." Damn. Whoever saved me actually speaks French. And apparently have never heard a lady talk with the mouth of a sailor… Cross my heart, I never swear in English!

"**Non, non. Pas le français. Américaine**. Please put me down." I've never heard that voice before. Unless I really did die is this is God… Sweet! "Wait… Did I die? I didn't think it would be so dark in heaven… So you're God huh? Pretty sweet. Huh…" I squished the arm that was holding me. "You're a lot scrawnier than I would have guessed… That's okay I guess. I don't judge…" It got awkward for a few seconds as a twiddled my thumbs. "…So… how's Jesus?"

"AURORA!" I turned to see the outline of a girl running towards me. By her voice, I knew it was Juliet.

I got out of Gods arms with a little effort, for it seemed like he didn't exactly want to let me go. "Juliet? Aw, you died too? Sorry, I thought it was a dream. I didn't think you would jump out of the window after me! But in my defense, if we stayed any longer we could have gone on the Hell list for being accidental prostitutes. So, yeah. You're welcome." I folded my arms and nodded.

"This isn't heaven… I don't think… Unless we died in that car accident!"

"Damn it! I wanted to die a cool death! Like Titanic cool! Or get kidnapped by Channing Tatum and have his wife fight me in a duel to the death because he decides he likes me better than her, and then get sentenced to the electric chair because I killed her! Not get hit by some loser who probably hit us because he can't see over his man boobs!" I scowled and raked my hand through my hair. "**Merde à l'enfer! Pourquoi ne puis-je pas comme Leonardo Dicaprio dans Titanic?! Rien de cool m'arrive jamais**! Now I accidentally broke heaven so there's no more light, I'm stuck in this hooker get-up for all of eternity, while all those angels wearing those pristine white robes judge me because I'm just the female gigolo loser who buys all of the gum out of the vending machines, and then punches them while no one's looking because they're homophobic jerks who won't take my dollar because it isn't straight enough for them!" I was breathing heavily, glaring at the ground because I couldn't exactly see anything. Stupid not twenty-twenty vision. My vision wasn't bad enough that I needed glasses, but I couldn't exactly read or make out anything more than fifty yards away. "Oh, yeah. Juliet, meet God. We were about to go see Jesus. I need to apologize for that time I accidently elbowed my sister in the face numerous times under the span of a minute… and almost broke my funny bone…"

Juliet was just looking at me with the 'It's too early for this' expression. "Aurora, I don't think that's God."

"Pshhh. Of course it is! If it wasn't, could I do this without it hurting?" I walked over to the man who was still standing rigid staring off into space, with a strange expression on his face. He didn't notice me walking over to him, or when I stood right in front of him smirking at Juliet. He most certainly – and unfortunately – didn't notice me somehow taking a huge flower vase out from behind my back and slam it over his head. He did notice when it shattered over his head though. "See? I bet he didn't even feel it! Come on Juliet, I want to go have a word with one Phillip Seymore Hoffman. Things got personal right when he died before finishing Mocking Jay." I narrowed my eyes and cracked my knuckles, walking forward grabbing a disbelieving Juliet and dragging her into the forest. "He probably didn't make it to heaven though…"

"You just smashed God in the head with a vase… and he smiled at you… Is this the heaven for nut jobs? Was that the initiation? Because if so, there's been a mistake. I'm completely sane!"

"Yeah, yeah, and I'm the Queen of Auropelous. No seriously, I filled out an online survey one time and accidently bought an island. I named it Auropelous. I was on Nyquil at the time… My common sense came back a little before I was about to click the accept button for a pop up ad for buying a wife… On the bright side, I made three hundred dollars by selling off hair from the Queen on eBay! Don't give me that look, I didn't specify which Queen, they just assumed."

"So, if anyone is listening to me… YOU CANNOT PUT ME IN THE SAME CATEGORY AS THIS PSCHO CHICK! SHE JUST TOLD ME SHE PRETTY MUCH TRICKED PEOPLE INTO BUYING HER HAIR FOR THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS! SEND HER TO HELL!"

"Hey, that's not very nice. I have great hair thank you very much. People would be honored to have it." She started rubbing her temples and scowling. "But now that I think about it, why is it dark, and why are we dressed like this?... Yup, we're defiantly in Hell. No wonder we're dressed as whores! I bet we're the official prostitutes down here! We're the Hell Hookers! Actually has a nice ring to it. Well, I'm not spending eternity in the fire pit, so we'd better do our job. Maybe we'll get promoted!" I laughed gleefully as I started skipping faster through the forest, hailing a… carriage? Vintage, I like it. "Hey, we're new here, I'm sure you know where we're supposed to go. Thanks!" The man's jaw dropped. I was almost afraid he had dislocated it, but he snapped it shut and just nodded as we climbed into the back.

"I bet this is your entire fault. I knew I shouldn't have gone to Reno with you." Juliet grumbled looking out the window.

"Shush, nothing to do about it now. Okay, don't judge me, but I've thought about what I would do if I were a hooker before. They all have their shticks. I'm just going to throw out some ideas here, shoot them down if it's too much. Alright, I felt pretty proud about this one… The Harmonious Harlots. We're singing prostitutes! Like in Les Miserables! We sing to seduce people, and BAM! Make them pay for the song, AND the pleasure!" I smiled, motioning for her to tell me what she thought.

"I think this is the weirdest conversation I've ever had…"

I nodded. "Okay, didn't like that idea, next… Oh! How about – The Sex Industry. When someone calls us on the phone, we can be all like, 'This is the sex industry. Please press one if you're looking for a call girl. Press two if you are looking for a singing whore gram. Press three for our employees list. We'll rock your world, and your bed.' Wink. I think that one's a winner."

"I was wrong. This is much worse…"

"You know, at least I'm trying here! Okay, fine. This one is my favorite, and even if you don't like it, we're using it. I don't have a clever name for it, but I guess that'll make it less confusing for people. We get guys… With the cheesiest pick up line we can think of! I literally have twelve book marked pages of just cheesy pickup lines. Listen to this one, I think it's the winner… Baby, do you have a mirror in your pocket? Cause I can just see myself in your pants. And then I wink, and then he falls madely in love with me, and save me from the hooker business, and I later find out he's a wealthy prince who was undercover looking for someone who will treat him normal, and doesn't just want him for his money. And then later I find out he's a vampire who in the beginning only wanted me for my blood, but has actually fallen in love with me! I then confess that I never really loved him, was just so desperate to get out of there, and he gets angry. I run away and find a werewolf… WHO'S MY MATE! I tell him what's going on, he storms back to the vampire, and they fight for the death for my love! Both of them die. Frowny face. But apparently the werewolf was an Alpha of his pack, and in his will, he states that he leaves everything to his mate! And in the vampires will, he also leaves everything to me! I'm rich now, I literally have a room made out of cupcakes and French fries, and then I live happily ever after… The end…"

She looked at me with her mouth slightly agape. "That sounded like a bad Twilight sequel. Where you are the main character."

"Yeah… You know, I just realized, I don't want to be a female gigolo!" I cried out pouting. "I just want to go home and read fan fictions on my phone all day like I usually do!"

"I don't want to be a hooker either! I say we go back to that guy we thought was God, and ask him what gives!"

"Yeah! I can threaten him to just make us waitresses at a strip club or something. What do you think, psycho chick crazy rant threat, normal scary threat, or a threat that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, but if you really think about it makes you want to curl up in a fetal position and cry?"

"Hmm… Surprise me." She turned towards the front of the carriage. "Excuse me! Change of plans, take us to that mansion we were just at please."

The man nodded again, without saying anything or looking at us at all.

_So Journal, yes. It wasn't my proudest moment, thinking I was a prostitute and all. But dying and becoming a Hell Hooker wouldn't have been the weirdest thing to happen. I wasn't, by the way. It's called letting my imagination run wild. Remember that man who I thought was God? I couldn't have been farther from the mark…_

I'm not positive how I got here. I'm standing in front of that mansion, yes that's normal, but there's a colour blind she-man running towards me. Not so normal. They look sort of familiar too…

I didn't have time to react before I was taken up in the arms of the person whose gender – as of the moment – was unknown to me.

"Your outfit is fabulous darling! So fierce. So dangerous. So daring! Where did you get it?"

I thought for a minute. "Well, yeaterday I went shopping and got this as a joke for my friend. It's odd though, because I don't remember putting it on. I have a theory, I somehow got drugged, and taken in as a prostitute in training. I mean, look at me. Only a stripper or a slut would wear this."

His/her face was blank for a moment before they burst out laughing. "I like you! You don't make any sense! I think I'm gonna keep you. What's your name?"

"My name is Aurora. Please, call me Aurora. And by keep me… Does this mean I don't have to be a Harmonious Harlot anymore?!" My face lit up and the she-man laughed again.

"You make no sense, yet you are still so funny! Of course not! You can bring your friend too. First though, I need to meet up with my boyfriend." That really doesn't help me find out if it's a girl or guy… "We're madly in love, but our jobs keep eachother apart! I want to bare his children… But he has refused me!" They burst into tears and I got angry.

"What?! That… that… Twat waffle! Why I'd otta… **Je dois gaver son estomac avec une cuillère et lui faire manger! **He doesn't deserve you anyways. You should punch him in the face… Seriously, just punch him in the face, and go get some ice cream. Or gelato. Gelato's the best. Yup, I like it. Come on then. I have my heart set on that gelato."

The man/woman sniffled and brightened up. "You're right! Let's go! But first…" Hey, where did that chainsaw come from?

"I like the way you think. Let's kill him with a chainsaw and then get some gelato!" I smiled and started skipping arm in arm with the figure completely decked out in red. "Juliet!" She was standing at the edge of the garden looking at something in the distance. It was lighter by now, so she could have seen something. I called her name again and she jumped, running up to me, freezing when she saw the chainsaw, giving me a freaked out look. I shrugged and smiled, still skipping until we got it to the front door. "Hey, by the way, what's your name?"

The she-man knocked on the door and turned towards her. "Grell. Grell Sutcliff!"

Okay, now I know that name sounds familiar. But where from…?

The door opened before I could think anything more, to a blonde haired scruffy looking man with a cigarette between his lips, and a pair of goggles around his neck.

I immediately slapped him across the face, taking him completely by surprise, and ripped the offending cylinder out from between his lips. "I hope you never have children!" Then I kneed him in the crotch. Hard. "That should make sure of it!" I threw the cigarette on his crumpled form that was lying on the ground, looking to be in tremendous pain. "Smoking kills!" And then somehow I came up with another vase and threw it at his head. Seriously, where are these vases coming from? Sure, they're useful, but it's starting to get weird. "…I probably should have asked this before, is this your boyfriend?" I looked over at Grell who was still looking down at the man who was still making very girly sounds on the floor, covering his privets.

He looked up at me with the biggest smile I've ever seen, and shook his head. "I think you're the best human I've ever met."

"Why thank you." I did happen to notice – I'm assuming they're a he for the moment – that he said human. I just assumed that since this is Hell, there are demons and whatnot. "So what's it like? Here, in the down under. I'm not talking about Australia. Is it hot? Always dark? What's the meal plans? And also, who's in charge of this place? I need to talk about me and Juliet's assignment to be prostitutes. We are not happy with it!" I folded my arms and looked back at Juliet who was angrily looking at the man on the floor. "Isn't that right Juliet?" I smirked at she glared at me.

"Did you really have to do that? You could have maimed him!"

"… That's kind of what I was going for. I assumed this was him… And hey! Maybe he thought this was because he was smoking! I probably just saved his life. Good job Aurora."

"Did you seriously just compliment yourself in third person?"

"Shut up. So what if I did? Anyways, Grell, tell me about Hell. And I also want to know the terrible thing I did to get here. Seriously, I'm amazing! The worst think I've done in my life was that time I accidently bought a stripper when my parents put me incharge of organizing my little sisters birthday party… That wasn't my fault, the ad clearly stated she would give you a good time, no matter how old you are! I thought she was a face painter! Her name was literally Face Painter! You should have seen the faces of the kids… Hate to say it, but it was hilarious. She's still on my contact list today. We still hang out for a weekly poker game with Carlos and Estaban. Good times… Wait, how am I going to get to the poker game now!? Carlos was going to bring his nephew, and I heard he was AMAZINGLY good looking. So~ handsome. He was going to fall in love with me and I was going to reject him, until one day he proves his love, and I fall in love with him! Oh, and he's a werewolf."

"Why do all of your stories involve vampires and werewolves falling in love with you?"

I laughed like it was the most absurd question in the world. "Because it makes it more dramatic like that. I'm coming for you Alejandro! That's what I imagine his name is. He's part Italian, and part English. He has an English accent, and is has a killer tan. He's sexy, and muscular, but not too muscular. Just enough so it's hot, but not too much. Like Theo James! I changed my mind. I'm going to marry Theo James. So if I hear anyone mention they're going to try and touch him, I will rip their arms off and beat them with the soggy end."

She rolled her eyes at my threat. "He's like thirty years old. He'll die before you're sixty! And he has terrible teeth."

"Shut up! That's why he wears veneers! And please. He's twenty nine! Channing Tatum is like thirty two, and I still think he's a hot piece of man. Oh, and Ian Somerhaluder. Or I could say, Damon Salvador! I can't decide what guy I love more. But I know one thing; there is no way anyone could match up to them." I smiled and nodded my head.

"So what you're saying is, even if you get married, you would still fantasies about them?"

"You know it baby. Oh, where are my manors?! Grell, let's go find your boyfriend so we can rip off his testicles and sell them on eBay for fifty cents!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" I turned to Juliet giving her a 'what gives' look. "You can't sell a mans testicles on eBay for fifty cents!"

"Hm… you're right. We'd probably get in a lot of trouble… I've got it! How about we put them in the blender and mix them with lotion! Then we can sell it for a fancy skin cream for a lot more."

"That might be better… As long as I get half." I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Ten percent."

"Thirty percent!"

"Twenty percent!"

It was her turn to narrow her eyes before she stuck her hand out. "Fine. I just now realized that we're bartering about how much money we make off of selling a man's unmentionables. Maybe I do deserve to be in the crazy category."

"Told you. Come on Grell, let's go hun."

"Yes Aurora-sama!" Excuise? "Maybe after I break up with Sebas-chan, we can love each other? You can have my babies!" EXCUISE?

"… I'm going to pretend that conversation didn't just happen… Let's just go. I'm in the mood for gelato. Do you think you can get us to Italy?"

"Anything for you Aurora-sama. Let's go!" Okay, I'm just gonna roll with it.

"Come on Juliet." She caught up to me as Grell ran ahead.

"Does this stuff just seem familiar to you? Like we've been here before…"

"I was thinking that too… Grell Sutcliff… Sebas-chan… It's like I've heard it all before. And that guy at the front door look awfully familiar…"

"Hmm… I'm sure it'll come to us at some point. Let's just finish this, so we can get back to Earth, and get some gelato."

"Good, but can we change first? I don't like this look on me. I look cheap."

"Yeah, you do. Maybe there'll be some clothes upstairs! Let's go back to our rooms."

I nodded and called to Grell, telling him to call when he found him.

When we got to our rooms, it was weird, and different. "Why is the room all… old fashionedy?" I loved it. It was so Victorian, and fancy. But it still had all of my modern appliances, so it was fabulous!

"I don't know… But I'm just gonna roll with it. Too much weird stuff has happened today for me to care. Let's check the wardrobe." I nodded and walked over with her.

Wow… I had no other words. Seriously, wow. They were gorgeous Victorian dresses, that looked like they could belong to a queen. That's how expencive and fine these dresses looked.

"Geez. Maybe we're not supposed to be prostitutes…" I mumbled under my breath, reaching out and rubbing the fabric between my fingertips. "Alright, I don't know about you, but I'm not going to wear this outfit, for longer than I have to. Are there any corsets in there? I've never worn one before. I heard it crushes your insides and kills you slowly. Sounds fun right?" I went through the clothing items finally picking out a nice blue dress.

"Oh yeah, sounds great… I don't think you can just pull dresses out of a random wardrobe. I bet they're laced in poison."

"Wouldn't be the worst thing that happened to me. Did you look in your room yet? These clothes wouldn't fit you."

She looked at me and scoffed, shaking her head and furrowing her eyebrows, like she couldn't believe me. "You're joking right? We are in the middle of nowhere, I'm pretty sure we aren't in Hell, but I know for a fact that we aren't home! How are you not freaking out?!"

I laughed and shook my head. "It's obvious one of us is dreaming. Maybe you, maybe me. Oh, help me lace up this corset thingy first!"

She glared at me, but then threw her hands up in the air rolling her eyes. "Fine, whatever. But only because I want to see you in something you can't pull off for once."

This was my turn to glare at her, turning around anyways. "Just hurry up. Just make sure it's not too – " I squealed as she tightened it up probably farther than it should be. "Tight!" My voice was higher than it should be. "Are you trying to make my boobs concave?! I know they're fabulous and all, but you don't have to kill them!"

"Shush. I'm trying to work! What dress did you want?"

"Just get the simple white one!" My voice was still high and I think the grimace was permanently stuck on my face. "It'll be good!" I couldn't tell by the sound of air not coming into my lungs, but she might have been laughing. "You'd best not be laughing, you know you're next."

That made her stop and clear her throat. "So why are you dressing up anyways?" She asked as I was taking off some makeup in the bathroom.

"Just a sec…" I ruffled my hair and sighed, not really pleased with my appearance, before walking out. "So? Is it alright? Not too bad I hope."

It was just a simple white cotton Victorian Era one layer dress. It probably looked like a sleeping gown, but all I really needed was to look like a saint. My hair was also curly. Not because I curled it, but because it naturally looked like I put it in small ringlets. My hair was a dirty blondish colour, with natural highlights of gold, copper, and chocolate brown. I can easily say, my hair is my best feature, and it is gorgeous. That probably makes me sound egotistic, but honestly, I have the best hair I've ever seen.

She turned around and immediately groaned. "Aw man! You're hot in that too! Dang it!"

I laughed at her attempt at lying about how I looked, but played along anyways. "Don't I know it?" I laughed and struck a ridiculous pose.

"You're such a narcissist. And you never told me why you are dressing up."

"Simple! I don't want to look like a whore if I die!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Last time I jumped out the window, someone caught me. I assumed it was God, obviously I was wrong, but this time though, I will defiantly fall! If it's a dream, I'll either survive, or wake up. Simple! If not, than I am so sorry to leave you hear alone. Don't ask me why, but I update my will yearly. You can have my collection of ceramic turtles! I swear, I have like fifty. But if I don't die, and this is actually a dream, than you'd better not do anything to them! If you touch them I swear I'll cut off your opposable thumbs and sew them to the back of your ears! But that's a whole different subject. Well, later's!"

I ran over to the window and jumped out head first, screaming "wee~!" as Juliet started yelling about how much of an inconsiderate idiot I was, and how she hated turtles and if I died, she threatened to sell them on eBay.

I glared at her as I fell and screamed, "If you so much as misplace one of those turtles I'll come back from the dead and always put soap at the bottom of your shower so you always slip and fall, and then while you're down, I'll turn the water super hot and laugh at your pain!" Wow, I really shouldn't have been able to get that whole sentence out. How long have I been falling? Anyways, at the moment I was laughing like a maniac as I fell. "Juliet, you'd better tell Channing Tatum I loved him! Send him the testicle letter!" Now that's a funny story that happened to take place while I was high on Nyquil. It was hilarious, and I ended up signing it, "Love, Aurora, or better known as, the savior of your testicles." Oh, how simpler those times were.

I started laughing again, rolling over on my back throwing my hands out. Seriously, I've been falling for more than a normal time for someone to be falling. The only time I've ever seen someone fall this long is in movies.

So I did what any sane person would do at this time. I started singing. Oh no, it wasn't a sad song about how my life was going to end. No, more like an upbeat ironic song that would make anyone think I was a crazy chick.

I started singing "Free Falling".

"Because I'm FREEEEEEE! Dun dun dun! I'm free FALLINNNNN'! Dun dun dun!"

"AURORA-SAMA!" Damnit. Why is Grell here?

"Go away Grell! Can't you see I'm trying to wake up from this dream?! This stupid fall just won't ever end! Can someone just please throw a carving knife at me or something?! Or at least get me a pillow! I've been falling for so long it's gotten boring! You might as well just give me a couple packs of cigarettes! By the time I hit the ground I'd have already died of lung cancer! SERIOUSLY HOW HIGH UP WAS I?!" This was getting annoying.

"No Aurora-Sama! You can't die! You haven't bore my children yet!" He started crying and by the shuffling, I could tell he was running around.

"No! Get away! I'm not baring your babies! Gah! Go take some Viagra and wash it down with vodka if you're so desperate! You'll feel like you're pregnant!"

"But we haven't even gotten gelato!"

"Hmm… Good idea, go get me some. No need to rush. Someone go and get me some paper or something! By the time I write my strongly worded letter to the douche weasel dumb enough to build the windows so high, I might just be half way to the ground! What kind of idiot built this mansion so high that when someone is trying to die they have to wait more than an hour to accomplish it!?"

"That would be me. Pray tell, how idiotic are you to jump from a window and complain that it's taking too long to fall?" I don't like that little girl's attitude! Or, at least I think it was a girl. They have a high pitched voice, and I didn't look down.

"Listen here little girl! I don't have to answer to you! Maybe I've just invented skydiving without a parachute! Did you ever think of that?! No! I bet you didn't! So go run along and be a little bitch somewhere else! I bet you're going to die deep throating!" Hey, I could be mean when I wanted to. "I hope you fall off your stripper pole and land in a puddle of STD's! Go get herpes somewhere else you over-used dick socket!" I'm pretty sure I was at least getting closer to the ground, because the wind started sounding louder in my ears, and I could hear the outraged babbling from that little prostitute trainee.

"SEBASTIAN! –" The little girl yelled in their annoyingly high voice.

"Shut up! Your high voice is hurting my ears!"

"SHUT UP!"

"AW HELL NAW! YOU DO NOT WANT TO MESS WITH ME RIGHT NOW YOU LITTLE SLUT! DO YOU KNOW HOW IRITABLE I GET WHEN I'M TRYING TO PEACFULLY TEST A THEORY, AND IT TAKES MORE THAN THREE MINUTES TO FALL FROM A FREAKING WINDOW?! I WILL CUT YOUR CHEAST OPEN AND POOR BANANA SLURPIE DOWN YOUR LUNGS UNTIL YOUR BLOOD VESSLES SWELL UP AND TURN YELLOW! DO YOU HEAR ME?! TRY AND TALK BACK TO ME AGAIN! GO AHEAD AND TRY! JUST REMEMBER, NEXT TIME YOU'RE ASLEEP, I WILL ASSUME YOU ARE DEAD AND BURY YOU IN THE BACKYARD!"

It got pretty quiet after that.

I groaned and rolled my head back. "Am I there yet? Someone just give me an estimate of how close I am. Would you say ten feet? Twenty feet? If I stab myself now, would I have a better chance of bleeding out before I make it? Because I just remembered I filed my bobby pins to points, so seriously, if need be, I am totally comfortable with just stabbing myself through the throat right now. Am I even moving? Because I feel like I'm falling the wrong way. Am I doing something wrong here? Is there a specific way I should be falling? Like, head first, feet first… Does anyone have a rope or something they could just throw to me? They could pull me down faster. I'm really starting to hate you squeaky voiced girl. You couldn't have put the window over a bed of knives or something? That would have made this so much easier! And think about it! It would make robberies less likely… So… Can someone just throw some peanuts or something? I'm getting snackish."

"SEBASTIAN! GET OVER HERE! THAT IS AN ORDER!" Now where have I heard that phrase before? I swear everything about this place is familiar.

"**Yes, my lord."**

"Grell, I just want to apologize, I could have probably gotten pregnant and had your baby by now."

"Oh Aurora-Sama, you mean it?! I want to name them Sebastian and Will!"

"Whoa, slow down there, I don't know if I could be falling for long enough to have two kids. Although it just might be… SERIOUSLY THIS IS TAKING LONG! IT'S LITERALLY NOT PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE HOW LONG I'VE BEEN FALLING!? COULD SOMEONE PLEASE JUST THROW A KNIFE?! I'M DYING FROM OLD AGE UP HERE!" Finally, I landed on something. It was soft though, and I wasn't dead. I looked up to be met with the face of a really hot guy. If I wasn't so annoyed, I would probably be smitten. But instead I glared at him. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I JUST WASTED HALF OF MY LIFE FALLING FROM THAT WINDOW UP THERE AND YOU JUST COME UP AND RESECUE ME?! YOU'RE ALMOST AS STUPID AS THAT LITTLE GIRL!–" I looked over to where the little girl should be, and found a young boy in their place. "Or… boy, I guess… ANYWAYS, THAT'S NOT THE POINT!–" I was suddenly taken out of the arms of the butler guy and spun around by the one and only Grell.

"Aurora-Sama! You're alive!"

"Yeah, thanks to this loser." I pointed my thumb back at the guy who looked like he could have just walked out of a black and white movie. I turned back to Grell after he stopped spinning me. "And what the hell is wrong with you?! I asked you for gelato, I expected to get gelato! I don't care if I was falling to my death! When a woman asks for gelato, she should get it! How do you expect me to have your babies _when I can't count on you to bring me gelato!?_" He was about to say something when he was punched in the face. Very hard I might add. "Sorry Grell, I'd love to feel sorry for you, but at the moment, you deserved that." I jumped to the ground, straightened out my dress, and ruffled my hair, looking back at the small audience I gathered. Hey look, it's the guy who I almost neutered. Guess who wasn't smoking a cigarette? He also grimaced when I looked at him. "Um… this is kind of awkward I guess… Sorry about the incident at the door… I thought you were someone else, and I was kind of irritable, considering I thought someone drugged me and turned me into a prostitute. But hey! We all make mistakes. No hard feelings?" I smiled, but with my eyes I said, accept my apology or I will do it again.

"O-of course not miss!"

I smiled again and walked passed him to the house. "Good! Now if you need me, I need to find another way to tell if this is a dream or not."

"AURORA!" I groaned as I heard the angry voice of my best friend, who was probably going to chew me out for the second time today.

Well, at least she didn't lecture me. I started saying, "Hey Juliet!" in a really cheery voice. Then the last thing I expected her to do happened.

The bitch slapped me.

It was a good slap too! She might have given me whiplash! I was adjusting my jaw as I turned my head back to her. "Alright, I probably deserved that."

Guess what she did? Go on, guess.

Bitch slapped me again! On the other cheek!

I narrowed my eyes and rubbed my cheek. "I might have deserved that one too." But then she tried to slap me again! So I caught her wrist. "But I know I don't deserve that one! If you're mad at someone, go slap that man whore that cheated on Grell!" I yelled at her and she glared back at me, both of us breathing heavily now.

She ripped her hand away from me and gave me a harder glare as I made my way back inside. "You shouldn't have jumped."

I looked at her sarcastically. "Oh really now? I shouldn't have jumped? Well guess what! I promise I won't jump again! I'll just go find another way to try and put my life in danger so we can wake up! I don't see you doing any work!"

"That's because I'm not a psychotic sociopath!"

"Schizoid! I'm a schizoid! There's a difference, look it up!"

"I don't see much of difference, because either one would throw themselves out a window to prove a point!"

"I hate you!"

"I hate you more!"

"Go die in a hole!"

"Go rot in a ditch!"

"I hope your underwear spontaneously combust!"

"I hope Ian Somerhalder gets assassinated!"

I gasped and put my hand to my heart. "Take. That. Back." I ground between my teeth.

She smirked. "Nope, I won't. In fact, I hope that all of your boy toys get into a fight to the death over a different woman. And all of them die."

That did it. I let out a battle cry and threw myself at her. "Ian Somerhalder, Theo James, and Channing Tatum happen to be the sexiest men ever put on this earth! So you want to kill all the men that I fantasize about on a regular basis huh?! How will I fulfill my fantasy of turning them down and making them my male strippers _if they're DEAD?!_"

We were rolling around on the ground now, me pulling her hair, and her biting my arm. "TURN THEM DOWN?! All you ever talk about is how you want to be with them!"

"No, all I ever talk about is how sexy they are! I could never marry them! Idiot!"

"You're the idiot if you think that logic makes any sense! Who would you marry?!"

"No one! I can't fall in love! I'm making them be my male strippers, and give me all of their possessions! I bet they're friends with One Direction! I would have made them come, so that you could meet them, and they would fall in love with you, because it would make you happy!"

"Well that's the nicest thing anyone has said to me!"

"I know!" I grunted as she kicked me in the shin, and she squealed and winced as I twisted her arm backwards. "Then I would hire the Haynes brothers as my personal assistants, and buy a privet island, where I could be the queen!"

"You've already told me you wanted that! I'll have to get it for you for your birthday some time!"

"Thank you so much! You're the best friend ever!"

We were screaming and fighting the whole time. In fact, everything we said either sounded angry, or like a threat.

"Aurora-Sama! Aurora-Sama's friend! Please stop fighting! Let's go get gelato!"

I stopped and put my head up while I was pinning Juliet's wrists to the floor. "Gelato? In Italy?" I smiled and jumped up, jumping into Grell's arms. "Why are you so amazing Grell? You're just getting closer and closer to me having your children."

And then his face was punched again and I was roughly taken from his arms. "No." A voice practically growled, and I turned to see the black and white man again.

"Well that wasn't very nice." I murmured turning back to Grell with a concerned face. "And right when we were about to get gelato too…" That part was just me talking to myself.

He was glaring at Grell with enough hatred to bring a rock to life and have it die again.

"Mine." He growled again and looked at me with eyes that suddenly turned a pinkish colour.

"Okayyyyy. This guy has officially lost it. Hey little boy girl, a little help here?" As the guy was now nuzzling into my neck. "You seem like you have a sort of reign on him. Is he your pimp or something?"

"AURORA!" Juliet yelled at the same time the man child yelled, "SEBATIAN!"

"What? I was just asking. It would make sense..." I defended myself at the same time the man whose name was apparently Sebastian put me down and apologized to his... Err... 'Master'? "Oh God. Is this a brothel? Is this a homosexual brothel?! Please no. Please don't sell me into sex slavery! I'm just not into girls!" Of course, this was the perfect opportunity for the most suspicious man I've ever seen, and the girl he is pimping for walk over. "You'll never take me alive! Never~!" I screamed as I ran across the lawn grabbing Juliet and Grell as I went. "I'm not a whore!"

I couldn't be sure, but I'm pretty sure the girl boy man child thingy said, "Was there a recent insane asylum release?"

And the creepy Asian pimp man said, "No. Care to sell her to me though? She would make a great addition to my opium house."

And the Sebastian guy growled and I heard a smacking sound and a groan. Did he just hit him?

"Aurora-Sama!" I looked back at Grell while I was running.

"Good Grell you're still here. Carry me!" I jumped up into his arms as he kept running. "Juliet, you good? Gah! Stop running so seductively! They'll take you into their lesbian brothel!"

"I'm not running seductive you idiot! I haven't gone to the bathroom since we've woken up!"

"Oh that's unfortunate... Grell? To Italy!"

"Yes Aurora-Sama!"

"Why do you call me that? You know her name is Juliet, why don't you call her Juliet-Sama?"

"Sorry Juliet-San!"

I was about to say something, but face palmed instead.

"Juliet, does everything here seem oddly familiar to you? Like, you Google something completely innocent, and you click images, and a picture comes up, and you stare at if for a couple seconds, like, " what is that?...", and then it just suddenly comes to you and you can't click you out if it fast enough because you accidentally stared at porn for like three minutes not realizing what it was? Yeah. I don't understand why people are so into sex and whatnot. It's disgusting. That is why I've decided to be asexual until I die a crazy old lady. I'm going to be that kind of old ladies that live in retirement homes and are just about the most boring person you'd ever meet, but then at night, I rob banks! I trip toddlers! I make rude gestures at nuns! I kick baby animals! Except kittens and puppies. They're way too cute. I'll hoard them in my closet. Like that guy from that anime show that... Sophie... Showed us..."

The flickering Christmas light of life suddenly went on. My face went blank as I looked over at Juliet who had the same look at me. And then I looked at Grell. The she man who kills prostitutes for a living.

"Grell, don't be alarmed. Just keep going to Italy."

"What do you mean Aurora - ?"

And then I passed out.


	2. There's no light in the closet!

_So that's how it all started my lovely Journal. I fainted in the arms of a gender confused death god. If you wanted to know, I didn't get any gelato... It was a real disappointment waking up in the forsaken structurally idiotic mansion WITHOUT the delicious ice cream substitute. The person who locked me in that room also had the gall to leave tea. Tea! Dreadful stuff. It tastes like hot lotion! I'd love to continue this rant journal, but I have to go save the life of Damon Salvatore. Sebastian noticed that I wasn't paying attention to his rant, and by the time I finish this sentence, he probably found all of them. I'm going to go throw myself in front of a carriage now so that hopefully he will forget about the whole, "Damon Salvatore is sexier than you", incident. Toodles for now!_

"Okay, so maybe I'm not a Duchess named Juliet who ran away because her love died because he thought she committed suicide..." At the moment, we are coming up with a reasonable excuse as to why we are here, how we got here, and pretty much our whole life stories.

"In my defense, I happen to think that is an overrated story not written as a tragedy, but instead as a comedy because they were such stupid people. They literally were each others rebounds. And they met the day before! Idiots, all of them." I grumbled under my breath before pleasantly smiling. Here's what really happened. My name is Aurora, but everyone calls me Briar Rose - "

"You're kidding right? You're going with Sleeping Beauty?" She cut me off and a scowled.

"You used a story that had your name!"

"Fine whatever! The truth is... We are miserable singers who happen to have a life where everyone dies and breaks out into song for no apparent reason!"

But at the same time, I said, "The truth is, we are secret undercover detectives that use my deductive skills to solve cases. I'm a sociopath who's a genius, and she's here literally for no reason. I just get lonely sometimes, and get shot, so I need a witless doctor by my side. My name is Sherry Holmes, and she is Joan Watson. I'm sure that if there was ever a really famous show about us in the future on a device called a television perhaps, then they would portray us as men! And I think their names would be Benedict Cumberbatch, and Martin Freeman. Theoretically of course..." That apparently wasn't fooling anyone. "Er... How about, my uncle is a crazy barber getting revenge for his lost love by killing them and turning them into pies...?"

"Stop being stupid! The _real_ truth, not the fake truth, is... We're run away black slaves from America!"

Face palm. Considering I'm about as white as white can get, and she's not much better.

The person in the room with us was obviously thinking the same thing, as he motioned to us. What is her explanation this time? Well this I have to hear.

She looked down at herself, and then at me, and immediately put on the most surprised face she could muster. "WHAT?! THEY TOLD US WE WERE BLACK!" Wow that is racist. Probably the most racist thing I've ever heard.

But I was in no room for judging, because I was using all the willpower I had to not laugh. I played along instead. "WE'RE NOT BLACK?! YOU MEAN I'VE BEEN BUYING THE WRONG FOUNDATION COLOUR ALL THIS TIME, BECAUSE I'M ACTUALLY PALE?!"

"NOT THE POINT! I'VE BEEN A BLACK SLAVE FOR SEVENTEEN YEARS BECAUSE I THOUGHT I WAS BORN AS A BLACK CHILD! I COULD HAVE EATEN CAKE! DO YOU KNOW WHAT CAKE IS?! BECAUSE I DON'T!"

"IDIOTS! I BET WE COULD HAVE EATEN MORE THAN ONCE A WEEK TOO! NO WONDER EVERYONE ELSE LOOKED AT ME AND LAUGHED! THEY WERE MAKING FUN OF MY GULLIBILITY! TALK ABOUT COMMITMENT TO AN APRIL FOOLS PRANK!"

"FRIKEN' A!"

I scoffed and rolled my eyes in faux disbelief. "You know, my Aunt was an opera singer. I should have known. It was sad though, because she attracted this guy who haunted the opera house... I guess you could call him a... Phantom of the Opera..." And then I bust out laughing. Oh right, this isn't a joke. Maybe they didn't notice. "... That was a completely true story. My name is Beyonce... I am a single lady. This is Rihanna... She's into S&M. My uncle helped us escape, his name is... Obama... No I'm not just naming famous African American's. Just ask Lebron James and Nicki Minaj!... Do you think they bought it?" I whispered through my teeth while giving a really big fake smile.

"I'm not sure, just wait a couple seconds. Maybe after the initial shock wears off, they'll believe us."

Let me just say, we are not the best whisperers.

"Did you double check the asylum break?"

"Yes my Lord. There have been none recently."

Well that's a bust. "Whatever, I'm out of here. This place is boring anyways. I'm going to see the Undertaker! Grell, you know where he is right?" I looked over to Grell's mangled form on the floor and he gave me a slight nod. "Good. Let's go Juliet. We can go to someone who appreciates my humor. And is worthy of my time. Later losers! Undertaker is a Grim Reaper! A guy named Claude Faustus comes and messes up Sebastian's life! Alois Trancy is a dirty whorebag who ends up licking Ciel's ear! Hannah what's her face has some sort of creepy green demon sword inside her! And bt-dubs, Ciel, Lizzie is a kickass swords woman who acts all cute and innocent because you told her you didn't want a strong wife that one time. Boom! If I had a microphone I'd drop it, but I'll setting for this mysterious vase that always shows up behind my back" Slam, crash. Ha, in your face you creepy molester butler. Have fun cleaning that up. "And stop wearing heels! They make you look like a girl!" I started laughing and ran towards Grell. "I just told him he looks like a girl! I'm so funny. Let's go to Undertaker so we can laugh together! Juliet! Let's go! It smells like transvestite in here! And not just because of Grell. I'm so funny!" I started laughing again and ran out the door while the boy and his butler looked completely confused.

_Okay, how about I skip a bit. I wouldn't want to bore you my dear Journal. Alright... How about... Ah! I've got it..._

"Noooo! I killed him! I'm so emotional and I killed him! My best friend! My best gay friend who was secretly in love with me~!" I balled and ran around the room. "What do I do with the body?! No one can ever find out! Do I burn it? Bury it?! Cook it?! Could I sell it to a meat shop?! I don't know! I'm so confused~! Don't canibals like that kind of stuff?! No! They wouldn't even like his meat! I bet it would be to red no matter how much you cooked it! I'm so sorry Grell! I didn't mean to stab you super hard through the heart with a spork! I was just showing Undertaker a cool invention from my time period! Wahhhhhh! He was the pretties she-man I've ever seen! She would have made the best Bangkok stripper! Did you know that in my time period, they had these things called boob jobs?! You could have finally gotten breasts! And I took that away from you with a revolutionizing invention that allows you to eat noodles and soup at the same time! Why?! Why is the world so cruel?! Why~?!" I ran around and fell on everything dramatically. Knocking coffins over everywhere, wrapping my arms around a - hopefully - fake skeleton. "Why couldn't it have been Juliet?! Or Ciel! Or that creepy opium smoking pimp and his hooker that he brings with him everywhere?! Why is fate so cruel~?! Help me hide the evidence! I need latex gloves, a pound of feathers, a pillow case, a gallon of hand sanitizer, and a blow torch! Juliet! Can I tell them I was possessed and you did an exorcism to save me? It worked last time!"

_Okay, maybe this is a little too far ahead. Let me catch you up. We went to the Undertakers. I hugged him and started major fangirling. I may not remember much of the series, but I do know that Undertaker and Lizzie are my favorite. So he started giggling, and being all creepy and whatnot, I started giggling with him, and told him my name and stuff, and told him I was pretty much a time traveler (because let's face it, he's the only one that would believe me). Who doesn't go out of the house without a spork in their pocket? I certainly don't, so I decided to show him the spork. I stabbed Grell, very hard, in the chest. It was an accident, don't ask me how, it just was. And this is where we are now._

"Aurora-Sama! It's okay!"

"No it's not Grell! I killed you, and now you're a zombie! I just started the zombie apocalypses! I'm not sure whether to be proud or scared out of my wits."

"I'm not a zombie! Look! No blood!" I looked down at the place I stabbed him at and honestly couldn't tell if there was blood or not. Too much red.

"You made me think I killed you?! And look what you made me do to Undertaker! He looks like a retarded seal!" It was true. He was on the floor laughing so hard no sound came out, clapping his hands together. Sigh. Why must I subconsciously be so hilarious? "I guess I'm kind of happy. I'm not ready for the zombie appocolypse yet. The hardest part will be pretending I'm not excited. Well that tired me out. I'm in need of a nap. I just love sleeping so much. It's like being dead without the commitment." I went over and sat down on one of the boxes.

"Aurora! You can't be on that! It's hard and probably holds diseases!"

I looked at her with a 'really?' look, and shook my head in disgust. "You said it like that on purpose!"

"Said it like what? I'm just telling you about all the different diseases you could catch when you go inside of strange men's shops and sit on hard things!"

"Stop~! I'm going to have that image in my head all day! You have such a dirty mind!"

"I'm sorry! I'm trying to give up sexual innuendo's, but it's hard... So hard..."

"You little... Anyways, Undertaker, I'm here to talk to you. Considering the amount you're laughing, I take it my payment is over? Because if not, I have this hilarious joke... Not to brag or anything, but it put people in stitches. But since the person the joke is about doesn't exist yet, I'll make some modifications... Alright, got it." I cleared my throat and breathed in. "Why is Alois Trancy so pale...? Because there's no light in the closet!" And then I fell on the floor because I laughed so hard.

So did the Undertaker. I'm not even certain he got the joke, but none the less, he was still laughing like a maniac. "Yes, yes girl. What do you need? That was the greatest laugh I've had in centuries."

Well da-yum. Now I feel special. "Alright, a couple things. One, we're best friends now. Got it? And not like Grell best friend, Grell's my gay best friend. And not like Juliet, she's my BFFBTLTATLTL. Best friend forever because the longer the acronym, the longer the love. No, you're my crazy best friend. You know, the one where I can tell all my conspirices, and my crazy stories to, and you won't judge me because you were there with me! Got it? Good. Next thing. Can I see your face?"

He lifted up his hair and immediately I sat down again. I think my ovaries just exploded. "... Channing Tatum, forgive me. Hot damn... So... So hot... Juliet, help me. I'm becoming attracted."

"Too attractive. Can't move. Grell, help her."

Grell was hugging him and muttering random phrases. I think I heard, "make love to me."

And I'm asexual again! I shook my head and looked back at him. He had his hair back down. "Right, sorry about that. You should come with a warning label. Anywho, thirdly and lastly, is this real? And if so, how did we get here? You can't just tell me it's real, because if you do, how can I know you're telling the truth? Or, maybe I'm dreaming about someone who told me I'm not dreaming? Huh? Did you think of that?"

"I bet you did because you're just that awesome." Juliet still had a lovey dovey look on her face. "I mean, not awesome in the sense I would marry you, that would be weird. I'm weird. I love you. Wait what?"

"What Juliet is trying to say, is that you're a complete babe, and can I have your children? Wait - no, never mind. I don't know where that came from. Back to my main question. How did this happen? Show me some cinematic records of my life or something as proof!" By this time I was grabbing his collar and shaking him. "Oh, and as we're on our way to the Reaper Library, can I wear your hat?"

_He let me wear his hat. It was amazing. I've never worn something that goes from my head and drags behind me. The feeling was exhilarating. Everyone should try it. That's not the point though. I'm going to skip ahead a bit. I got it. You should enjoy this one Journal. What happened...?_

_Alcohol. Because no crazy stories ever start with a salad..._


End file.
